Even the strongest girls get stuck in emotions

Even the strongest girls break down. When they have had enough and when they have been strong for too long and can't do it anymore.

Even the strongest girls get tired of taking their responsibilities. They get tired of everyone's expectations and the number of people counting on them. This world expects them to overcome everything on their own.

Even the strongest girls need a break. After all they are human beings too. Not just machines, expected to be fine always and stay positive.

Even the strongest girls get tired of being so strong because it was never something they were born with. It was something they had to develop because of all the hardships they had to face and all the challenges they had to overcome.

Even the strongest girls need love. They don't like loneliness. They don't like rejection. They get tired of the emotional labor they have to put in to lift themselves up. Sometimes they just need a helping hand.

Loving you is worth it

This is how i fell for you...

It wasn't love at first sight and it didn't happen like those in cheesy romantic movies. It wasn't perfect timing either when we both met for the first time in a journey. Neither of us were in such stage of life to fall in love. You didn't do all the right things and i wasn't impressed with you. Even I didn't say all the right things either! But it all started with that one journey, an unexpected and game changing one! 

It happened gradually, the falling.

After that journey, One day, I opened my eyes in the morning and jumped out of bed, all too excited to hear from you. One day, I looked at you, feeling an overwhelming urge to grab your head and pull you to me to kiss you senseless. One day,I was in tears, feeling weary and down, and you were the only person i wanted to talk to. 

Falling for you was messy and scary. The timing was all wrong. I struggled a lot even for the thought of loving you. I was too terrified to fall in love with you. But, I DID!

And I have come to be okay with it. With the whirlwind of emotions that seized me. The uncertainty of where this is heading. The undeniable fact that i have fallen head over heel over you.

I am in the awe at the way you live your life - on your own terms. Steadfast and confident. I am deeply drawn to your simplicity. You say what you mean and mean what you say.

I am in love with every inch of you and the possibility of you loving me back. And i will love you throwing my caution and hesitance to the wind. I will carve my own destiny by loving you with everything .. everything i have.

We are imperfect, yet so perfect along side each other. We are two misfit puzzles that fit together. Two flawed individuals learning to accept each other. Our emotions are heightened and we fight. You will yell at me harshly, your voice tight with anger making my blood boil. You scream at me at times refusing to accept the truth. I swear to walk away but never could do the same. 

This is how I love, raw. And at the end of the day, i wouldn't have chosen it any other way. I don't need all the clocks to tick at the right time for me to fall in love.  I don't dream of you coming towards me on your white horse and asking for my hand in for marriage. I don't want a love that is picture perfect. 

For that doesn't exist ! But you and me together - that's real.

Loving you itself is terrifying but then anything is worthwhile doing. And love is always worth it.

Dear Best Friend

I actually wanted to write a post about why you are my best friend. But, i am not going to do that because you already know why you are my best friend. If you don't know we wouldn't have remained friends all these years. Ten years? or more? I actually have no concept of time whatsoever. Because that's the type of person I am. But you remember things like this when it comes to me. Thank you for knowing that. Thank you for knowing all the things that i don't.

You will always be the one who understood, who cared, who stayed. You will always be the words I never had to say - that no matter where we go, or how far apart, we would always be there for each other. Thank you for always being closest to me even when we were in separate zones and separate stages of life. Thank you for not letting us get split by dumb facts like distance or time. Thank you for never giving up on our friendship and for never being like "yeah, things change, people change". We all get distant to a certain degree when we make huge transitions in life. But you didn't let me get very far because u knew what was really important.

You will always be the voice on the other line of telephone, the comfort of what i didn't know i needed to hear. You will always be the encouragement and praise. You will always be the remainder of love i deserve and the strength i needed. You will always be the one who treated me nothing short of your family member - a bond so unbreakable that i learned, with you, the true meaning of Friendship. 

Thank you for taking care of me in every way possible, for being there when no one else was and when you even didn't have to be. Everyone has those friends who are close but not really; but you are not one of those. You never got mad when i didn't call you for weeks on because I was too busy being someone's wife and someone's mother. But you were right there and are for everything , no explanations needed.

Thank you for believing in me and not judging me. Thank you for doing all those things a real best friend does; for letting me sob into your shoulder when I need to. I know you will always be the eyes that were patient enough, staring into mine when i spoke and wiped my tears away. Thank you for always knowing who I am and reminding me of that when I forget. Thank you for genuinely concerned with the outcome of my life and always listening even when you are tired with your own life.

I can give my heart away to someone else. I can slip in and out of many other friendships, but one truth that remains is - No matter where this life takes us, you've been the one constant. And you will always have my heart, best friend. 

And I can never thank God enough for you.

Love always,
Your Best Friend.

Harsh Truth

There comes a time when you sometimes have to accept that someone you really want is not the one for you. It's sad and heartbreaking but also a harsh truth that many of us have to face. This is me accepting that reality.

This is me accepting that reality that you will never be mine. Ever. Not now. Not in future. Your road is not paved to go the same way as mine. And while so badly i want to convince that it is, I think somewhere deep down inside of me I always knew. It just means that you were not meant to be the main character in my story.  While what I want is to wake up next to you wrapped in your arms, it's never going to happen.

I always wonder if it would have been better if we never had met. May be my cute little world that i had built all these years would have remained fully intact. Instead, your storm came through and crashed into me so fast and so hard that i will never be the one same after. You are never going to be the one to keep my heart safe.

It will break my heart to know that you will never be the person I spend lazy weekends with. You will never be the one I look over at when we are in our 70's and think 'yeah i love you more now'. You won't be the person because we were never meant to be, even though we try.

This is me accepting that this is just not our destiny. Our souls are not meant to intertwine. Our hearts will never beat as one. And we will never be a real thing!

And even though i am accepting that there will never be an us, it doesn't mean that i don't love you. It doesn't mean that i won't carry you with me forever. Because it just doesn't work like that. You can accept that someone is not your forever but still know that they have affected you so deeply that it's hard not to take pieces of them with you.

There are many things i hope for you. That the person you give your heart to will love you as much as i do. That you follow your dreams and don't give up when it gets hard. That you find your inner strength and know that you are completely enough. I wish you get each and everything that makes your heart feel full.

So, this is me accepting that you will never be mine no matter how much it hurts to move on. This is me knowing that your future is bright but so is mine. And they are not one in the same, I'll never forget you.

Remembering Him

The day when she met him, she saw herself in the mirror.

Her reflection was completely a different woman

Her eyes were twinkling, re-living the moments

She touched her lips gently with her fingers, remembering his lips on hers

Her hand caressed her neck, feeling his kisses

Stroking her hair, she remembered how he embraced her

She leaned her head back as if she was imagining the moments of passion they shared

He may not be physically there at the moment, but she remembers the mark he leaves on her.

Magic..

దూరం మహ చెడ్డదని లోకం అనుకుంటుంది..కానీ ఆ దూరమే నిన్ను దగ్గర చేసింది

LOVE! You never know when it happens, why it happens and with whom it happens. But once it happens, everything is changed forever. That's the closest you will ever come to MAGIC !!

Are you mine?

It's raining here tonight. The harsh rain that splashes against my window pane right now conjures up brief images of the moments we shared..huddled and cuddled.

Oh, how i wish i could go back to that moment, that particular moment and gently whisper in your ears..' I love you '. But, like all good things in lives, that too is in the past now. As i sit near the rain tonight, all i can think of is YOU. I know you are happy there with your responsibilities in your very own world, and i would be lying if i say that the knowledge of it makes me feel happy. No, tonight i am not happy. I am not even sad. I am in a trans like situation where the slightest jerk would wake me up to reality.

There is a dog barking in the rain outside. I don't know from where it came. May be he is also missing someone. Or perhaps he is just angry. I though for a while that i should be angry on someone or at something. But then, what would be the use? You are so far away now that my voice will have lost all it's meaning until it reaches you. I wonder, do you even remember my voice?

The torrent of the rain now has diminished it's effectiveness even more. All i can hear are the drops of water, some on the window pane and some on my face, silent but cold.

Is it raining where you live? Is it even night there? Does the rain evoke memories of me? I am afraid even to know what you might answer. You might be surprised to know why even after all this time, i still think about you, i still want to hear your voice, i still...i still long for your touch. I know the answer! I wish i could have expressed many things i wanted to when we were together alone in time, in love and happy.

Are you mine? Is that even the right question to ask? I think i know the right one - Were you ever mine? Even for a second, or for a fleeting glimpse, or even for the beat of your heart? I dare not to think of the answer...

What an irony! It rains, it pains. It can cure, it can burn and be born. It just doesn't !!

పర వశం

అడగకుండా అందిన వరమా
అడిగినా అందని పర-వశమా 

మళ్ళీ పుడదామా?

Mystery...

This universe is full of mysteries. But the greatest is..How you become close to me, even for that short time!

Threads of memories...

Someday I may stop loving you, but I'll never stop loving the days I loved you..

నువ్వు లేక...

నిన్ను తలచుకోని క్షణం లేదు!! కానీ ఇంత ప్రేమ, ఇంత భారం నీకెలా చెప్పాలో తెలిపే మాట ఈ జన్మలో నాకోసం పుట్టలేదు.... 

నీ స్నేహం...

ఆత్మీయతకు అతీతమయిన నాలో హృదయ స్పందన కలిగించినది - నీ పేరు
చీకటి నిండిన జీవితంలో వెన్నెల వెలుగును నింపింది - నీ చూపు
మాటలు మరచిన పెదవులని సైతం మాట్లాడించ గలిగింది - నీ స్వర మాధుర్యం
వెన్నెల చల్లదనాల అనురాగ జీవితాన్ని రుచి చూపించింది - నీ స్నేహం 
ఇంతటి అదృష్టాన్ని వరంగా పొందిన నా జీవితం.... ధన్యం!!

నీ తలపులో...

నీ చూపు నా మనసును చేరి నా గుండె చప్పుడుని పెంచింది
నీ నవ్వుల చిరుజల్లు నా వెన్నంటి నను నీ ఊహల వరదతో ముంచెత్తింది

కలలు కన్ను మూయగానే వచ్చిపడుతూ నిను నా చెంత చేరుస్తుంటే
మనసు మాట రాని మౌనమై ఆ మధుర క్షణాలను మరల చూపిస్తుంటే

ఆపగలవా ఈ హృదయాన్ని నీకై ఆలోచించడం
చేయగలవా ఈ అబద్దాన్ని అందమైన నిజం!!

First day of school

The day i was looking forward to with anxiety and emotions has finally arrived..My lil champ's first day of school !!

I left him at school with tears in my eyes. It was the very first time i am leaving my champ with someone else. He has never been away from me for such a long period of time with an exception of staying with his grand parents. But, that is different, he was home and among the people he knew and loved. Today he is with unfamiliar people, in unfamiliar surroundings and just thinking of that really makes me emotional.

I was looking for this milestone from a long time. I repeatedly told him for past two days that he is going to go to school. But it seems, he never could understand it. Or he could? I don't know. Thank god he didn't cry when i left him at school. He started to play with the toys. It's me who was crying. I didn't have the heart to leave him there. But trying to be a strong mom, i left him there with a smiling face.

I know sending him to pre-school is the best thing for him and for me. He is so ready to make new friends, grow socially, emotionally and get his first taste of independence. Thinking about all these i couldn't sleep properly yesterday. Was worried a lot. I don't know how he would accommodate to the new environment. How he would manage to cope with his peers. I don't know whether he would cry for us or feel happy to see many toys and his age old kids.

This day also feels an important day as it is just the first day of his next many years of schooling. Soon he will progress to kindergarten, then full day schooling and then eventually he will progress to college where he may even have to live apart from us. But wait, let's not go there. Today i am way too emotional to even think about all that. 

After reaching home, it seems and feels empty without my baby's presence. To divert my mind, I started to get into some work. But, each and everything reminds him and i wonder what he might be doing now? If he is at home now, i couldn't even type this. Now the clean calm house seems haunting than pleasing. Chairs and tables are waiting for him to be dragged by him. The kitchen counter is waiting for him to sit and watch my cooking. The beds look tidy and sad without anyone jumping on it. I am looking his face everywhere. His smiling face repeatedly flashing in front of my eyes.

What he would be doing now? Scared? Crying? Playing with the toys? Or still expecting me at his class door?

I miss you ra Abhi. I love you so much. I don't even want to leave you for a second. But, as i know, my blind love shouldn't be an obstacle for your growth. This challenge is for your better development. I hope you will blossom into an amazing boy. I can't even type more as my vision is blurred with tears.

Miss you so so much. Waiting for the clock to strike 12:30 for your arrival!!